Coercive Control in the Shadows of Childhood

UNSEEN: Bringing Children’s Hidden Trauma Into the Light

Observed annually every October since 2025

“Coercive control is the darkest shadow in childhood – it’s time to see, protect, and heal.”

Coercive control in families leaves no bruises, but the wounds it inflicts on children are some of the deepest, and least recognised in our society. Every day, children live in the shadows of manipulation, fear, and forced loyalty, their voices reshaped by those who should protect them.

This is Not Ordinary Family Conflict

What happens in these families is not mere disagreement or discord. This is a systematic pattern of domination, where a child’s thoughts, emotions, and attachments are manipulated by a controlling adult—parent, relative, or surrogate. Children may be compelled to reject those they love, silenced by loyalty binds, or loaded with adult responsibilities through adultification and parentification. Often, what sounds like the child’s own voice is crafted from the grief, blame-shifting, and desire for vengeance of those unwilling to take responsibility for their pain.

The Harm Fractures Identity

The effects ripple far beyond one relationship. Children caught in coercive control are often separated from grandparents, siblings, cousins, and their wider family, losing belonging and continuity that grounds them for life. The fracture of kinship networks deprives children of the emotional and developmental stability essential for healthy growth.

Evidence: Invisible Wounds, Lifelong Scars

Peer-reviewed research demonstrates that children exposed to coercive control and emotional manipulation face increased risk of complex PTSD, anxiety, depression, disrupted identity, and difficulties with trust and intimacy throughout life. Each day of enforced separation or manipulated loyalty deepens the wound, embedding confusion, fear, and mistrust into the child’s sense of self.

UNSEEN Exists to Bring Light, Protection, and Change

Recognise: Coercive control of children is family violence and a distinct form of abuse, not simply conflict.
Listen: Professionals must be trained to separate authentic child voices from narratives shaped by pressure, fear, and manipulation.
Act: Early interventions must be trauma and attachment focused, restoring safety, stability, and developmental integrity.
See the Family System: Effective assessment recognises how coercive control reorganises roles, boundaries, and relationships across the wider network, including surrogates and systems that enable abuse.
Protect Kinship Bonds & Rights: Children must be supported to maintain safe, loving relationships with siblings, parents, and extended family, except where genuine risk is proven.

The Call

Children should not bear the burden of adult pain, nor lose entire branches of their family due to manipulation and coercion. Their voices, attachments, and kinship bonds deserve visible protection, not dismissal.

These wounds may be invisible, but they are not inevitable. Awareness, evidence, and decisive action can begin healing and restore hope.

It’s time to see what has been unseen, and ensure every child survives and flourishes, free from coercive harm.