Therapeutic Support Through a Family Systems Approach

Behaviours: The child maintains contact with the rejected parent but is closely aligned with the preferred parent, who may be visibly distressed over the family separation. The preferred parent may engage in behaviours that subtly undermine the child's perception of the rejected parent, leading the child to exhibit:

• Borrowed Language: The child uses phrases or sentiments that mirror the preferred parent’s narrative, often without fully understanding their implications.
• Parentification & Hyper-Protectiveness: The child may display excessive concern for the preferred parent’s feelings, prioritising their emotional state over their own needs or the relationship with the rejected parent.
• Signs of guilt or anxiety when leaving the preferred parent's care.
• Avoidance of discussing positive experiences with the rejected parent for fear of upsetting the preferred parent.
• Parroting negative views or comments about the rejected parent that they have heard from the preferred parent.
• Other Behaviours: Other behaviours may be present, such as difficulty expressing their own feelings or opinions, a tendency to please the preferred parent, or showing signs of confusion about their own loyalties.

• Psychoeducation for parents on the impact of these behaviours.
• Co-parenting skill development.
• Shared Parenting Arrangement: Implementing a balanced shared parenting schedule that ensures regular and meaningful contact with both parents is essential. Court sanctions for non-compliance may be necessary to uphold the arrangement.
• Therapy for the Child: Focused sessions to help the child identify and counter cognitive distortions they may have internalised about the rejected parent. This includes teaching the child to recognise when they are being influenced and how to develop healthy boundaries. Self-care strategies are introduced to help the child manage feelings of guilt or conflict and support their emotional resilience.
• Maintaining a focus on co-parenting allows the child to benefit from a stable relationship with both parents, promoting their emotional and psychological well-being.

Behaviours: The child experiences significant distress during transitions between the preferred and rejected parent, struggling to adjust even after the transition. This may manifest as:

• Borrowed Language: The child frequently echoes the preferred parent's negative views about the rejected parent, often without personal experiences to support these beliefs.
• Parentification and Hyper-Protectiveness: The child may feel the need to shield the preferred parent from their own feelings or experiences with the rejected parent, prioritising the preferred parent’s emotional state over their own well-being.
• Reluctance or refusal to pack for or go to visits with the rejected parent.
• Excessive anxiety or tearfulness before or during transitions, often clinging to the preferred parent.
• Difficulty relaxing or enjoying time with the rejected parent, expressing concern about how the preferred parent might be feeling during their time apart.
• Unwillingness to share details of their time with the rejected parent or expressing fear of being disloyal if they acknowledge positive experiences.
• Other Behaviours: Other behaviours may also be present, such as withdrawal during interactions with the rejected parent, inconsistencies in their feelings towards each parent, or heightened anxiety about potential conflict between the parents.

• Shared Parenting  Arrangement: An ongoing shared care arrangement can be beneficial but may require more structured support due to the child’s resistance. This includes maintaining a consistent schedule and ensuring that both parents remain actively involved in the child’s life.
• Integrative family therapy, combining systemic and individual approaches, can help address the child’s resistance and underlying emotional issues.
• Therapy for Parents: Parents can benefit from intervention and sometimes more so than the child. For the preferred parent, they need psychoeducation about their behaviour and the consequences to the child if their behaviour doesn’t change. For the rejected parent, they can benefit from intervention on how to cope with and respond to the behaviours of the child and the preferred parent. This is so their reactions don’t compound the alienation.
• Therapy for the Child: Sessions are tailored to help the child manage cognitive dissonance that arises from conflicting messages and experiences with each parent. Therapy focuses on building the child’s skills in setting boundaries, promoting self-awareness, and encouraging self-care practices to reduce anxiety and stress. This therapeutic support helps the child develop a clearer sense of their own experiences and needs, separate from the influence of either parent.
• It is crucial to minimise parental conflict and establish healthy boundaries in the post-separation environment to support the shared care arrangement.
• If shared parenting cannot be sustained due to continued distress, a change of preferred responsibility to the rejected parent may be considered to better support the child’s overall well-being.

Behaviours: The preferred parent engages in deliberate actions to sever the child's relationship with the rejected parent, leading the child to completely reject and refuse contact with the rejected parent. The child may display:

• Rigid, rehearsed narratives about the rejected parent, often echoing the preferred parent's accusations without personal experiences to back them up.
• Hostility or disdain towards the rejected parent, even in the absence of direct negative interactions.
• Absolute refusal to speak to, visit, or acknowledge the rejected parent, expressing intense anger or fear that appears disproportionate to the situation.
• Strong allegiance to the preferred parent, viewing them as the only trustworthy or caring figure, despite a history of positive interactions with the rejected parent.

• Rationale: In severe cases, maintaining shared parenting or leaving the child in the care of the preferred parent can place the child at risk of emotional harm. The ongoing exposure to negative influences and manipulation can exacerbate the child’s anxiety, fear, and overall psychological distress, compromising their long-term well-being. A more protective intervention is necessary to ensure the child's safety.
• Full Psychiatric Assessments: Assessments are often required for both the rejected and preferred parents. These evaluations help determine each parent's psychological state, insight into the child's needs, and capacity for fostering a healthy parent-child relationship. The assessments are critical for understanding how each parent’s behaviour affects the child’s well-being and guiding the appropriate therapeutic approach.
• Transfer of the child’s residence to the rejected parent to provide a more stable and neutral environment.
• Specialised intervention programmes to restore the child’s relationship with the rejected parent while addressing the trauma of the prior dynamics.
• Implementation of a no-contact period (moratorium) between the child and the preferred parent to break the  cycle of coercive influence.
• Therapy for the preferred parent to address their behaviour and support the child’s relationship with the rejected parent.
• Gradual reintroduction of supervised contact with the preferred parent, contingent on their progress in therapy and evidence of reduced risk to the child's emotional well-being.

The dynamics of parent-child relationships can change rapidly, and there is no "one size fits all" approach when addressing situations involving alienation and child trauma. Each case requires a thorough investigation by practitioners who are highly trained in the specific areas highlighted on our website. It is essential for individuals to seek professional legal and mental health advice tailored to their unique circumstances. The information provided here is intended as a general guide and should not replace the expertise of qualified professionals.