Parental Alienation... Family Violence Lost in the FOG conference 17-19 October 2018
Parental Alienation is a process of one parent
(the alienating parent)
influencing a child
(alienated or targeted child)
to turn against and reject their other parent
(alienated or targeted parent)
without legitimate justification.
The alienating parent can also be a grandparent, a step parent and even a non-family member.
Parental alienation can occur even when the relationship between the targeted child and targeted parent was once a very positive one.
The challenge for a family following separation is to transition from an intact family structure to a separated family structure that is now united by the children and by the continuing parental roles and shared bonds of affection with the child. Sometimes the emotional reactions and psychological functioning of one parent in response to the separation prevents this transition. When this occurs children can be exposed to that parent’s continuing anger and sadness.
They display an abnormal grieving response and demonstrate severe cognitive distortions (i.e., abnormal thinking patterns) that are difficult to challenge.
Alienating tactics used by alienating parents include, but not limited to:
1. Contradictory Statements
2. Inappropriate and Unnecessary Information
3. Character Assault
4. Collusion or One-Sided Alliance
5. Child Becomes Spy or Conduit of Information
6. Use of Indirect Statements
7. Restrictions on Permission to Love or Be Loved
8. Unchildlike Statements
9. Good Parent versus Bad Parent
10. Comparative Martyr Role
11. Fear of Contact with the Other Parent
12. Anxiety Arousal
13. Cohort in Secret-Keeping
14. Child Appears as Mirror-Image of Programmer
15. Confusion of a Birth Parent’s Importance
16. Manifestation of Guilt
17. Scripted Views
18. Unmanageability for No Apparent Reason
19. Radical Changes and Dysfunctional Behavior Manifested in Other Spheres
20. Nonverbal Messages
21. Coaching Behavior
22. Brain Twirling
23. Child Threatens Parent
24. Child as Parent’s Best Friend
25. Physical Survival
Reference: (BOOK) "Children Held Hostage: Identifying Brainwashed Children, Presenting a Case, and Crafting Solutions." By Stanley Clawar and Brynne Rivlin.
The impact of parental alienation can last for years or even a life time. It denies children a normal childhood free from parental conflict and denies them a relationship with both parents. It can also prevent a child from having a relationship with the alienated parent’s family.
Alienated children display unjustified contempt for the alienated parent and an attitude of entitlement toward the alienated parent. They are taught to have a perception of an “all-wonderful” alienating parent and “all-bad” targeted parent. As a result of this alienated children experience disrupted social-emotional development as a consequence of parental alienation.
Alienated children experience a complex grief for the loss of a parent who is still alive. Because this loss is the result of emotional manipulation, alienated children experience psychological difficulties associated with this type of trauma and abuse. Parental alienation causes emotional pain for children. The long-term outcomes of parental alienation on children include: social isolation, fragile sense of self, anger, depression and anxiety.
The loss of a child is devastating. Alienated parents also experience complex grief for the loss of their child who is still alive. This loss is compounded by being denigrated and vilified as part of the alienation process. Alienated parents experience despair, helplessness, frustration, anger and confusion. Many alienated parents experience significant financial and emotional costs associated with trying to find a resolution in a legal system and mental health services that do not understand parental alienation.
Alienated parents are loving mothers and fathers who try to keep their child out of the parental conflict.
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