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Parental and family alienation manifests when coercive control and alienating behaviours are used to undermine the bond between a child and their other parent or family member. These behaviours are not confined to any specific gender or family role; they can be used by mothers, fathers, step-parents, grandparents and even non-family members.
At EMMM, we recognise the intricate nature of family dynamics and advocate for a nuanced understanding of parental alienating behaviours. Instead of subscribing to polarising views, it's essential to approach each case individually, considering its unique circumstances. Parental and family alienation is not a one-size-fits-all; there are many factors to consider. Our mission is to continue to explore the complexities of parental alienating behaviours through research, delving into its impact on family relationships and going beyond conventional viewpoints.
The repercussions of parental alienating behaviours extend beyond the immediate parent-child relationship, affecting connections with siblings, grandparents, step-parents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Parental alienating behaviours involve processes such as adultification, parentification, infantilisation and learned helplessness. These methods often include programming and brainwashing, facilitated through different forms of learning like classical conditioning, operant conditioning and observational learning. Non-verbal cues, such as negative facial expressions, body language and tone of voice, also play a role in alienation when employed alongside other manipulative tactics.
Parental alienating behaviours cannot be diagnosed, but they can be identified and understood as harmful actions, similar to other forms of child abuse. Recognising their impact on children's well-being is crucial for addressing and preventing harm, just like every other behaviour that constitutes child abuse.
Let's delve into the intricacies of parental alienating behaviours and the need for a comprehensive understanding that considers the unique dynamics of each family situation.
Parental Alienation Research and Resources for Legal and Mental Health Practitioners and Alienated Families.
Coercive Control is when someone strategically uses various behaviours to create dependency and control of another person. Through the use of these behaviours, the coercively controlling person creates a false world of confusion, fear and contradiction. Over time, coercively controlling behaviour erodes the other person’s sense of self and confidence. These behaviours are at the heart of parental alienating behaviours.
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The alienated child is coerced into an impossible position and must comply with the alienating parent or risk the second loss of a parent (because they have already been coerced into rejecting the other parent).
Examples of coercive controlling behaviours employed by alienating parents against their children include:
Coercive control, as defined by Harman & Matthewson (2020), encompasses a spectrum of tactics aimed at diminishing the power of the victim by regulating their behaviours. Alienating parents are primarily driven by the desire for absolute control over those in their proximity, employing loyalty-inducing behaviours and manipulation to achieve this objective.
Moreover, the exertion of coercive control by alienating parents over the alienated parent manifests in various forms, prominently through gatekeeping behaviours. To establish control, alienating parents strategically present themselves as devoted and consistently stable while concurrently undermining the relationship between the child and the alienated parent.
For an in-depth exploration of parental alienating behaviours, refer to Harman and Matthewson's comprehensive work in "Parental Alienation: Science and Law" (2020), published by Charles C Thomas, Ltd., with specific insights provided on pages 82-141.
Mild
The child maintains contact with the targeted parent but exhibits a close alignment with and concern for the alienating parent. The child may express distress over family separation, influenced by the emotions of the alienating parent.
Moderate
The child struggles with the transition from the alienating parent’s care to the care of the targeted parent. Once they have made the transition the child quickly settles and bonds with the targeted parent.
Severe
The child is emphatic in their rejection of the targeted parent and refuses all contact with them. The rejection is intense, indicating a deep-seated aversion or hostility towards the targeted parent.
The post-separation challenge for families lies in transitioning from an intact family structure to a separated configuration, bound by the common thread of shared parental roles and enduring bonds of affection with the child. However, the emotional reactions and psychological responses of one parent to the separation can impede this transition. In such instances, children may unwittingly bear witness to the ongoing emotional distress, including anger and sadness, exhibited by the parent grappling with the separation. Understanding these dynamics is essential for comprehending the origins of parental alienation and its potential impact on family relationships.
Problematic Personality Traits
Other Factors
For more information about B Cluster personality disorders visit Project Air for Fact Sheets.
Understanding these alienation processes is critical for recognising the complex dynamics at play and developing targeted interventions to mitigate their impact on the parent-child relationship.
Non-Verbal Cues in Alienation
Negative Body Language and Facial Expressions
Impact of Tone of Voice
Understanding the nuanced role of non-verbal cues, body language and tone of voice is imperative in comprehending the intricacies of parental alienation dynamics.
Understanding these distinct profiles is pivotal for tailored interventions in cases of parental alienation.
Within the context of parental alienation, the alienated child forms a detrimental emotional attachment, referred to as a trauma bond, with the alienating parent.
This phenomenon draws parallels to observed behaviours in environments such as cults, hostage situations, human trafficking, intimate partner violence and child abuse. Trauma bonding manifests as a consequence of interpersonal trauma within relationships characterised by violence or exploitation, as outlined by Reid et al. (2013).
Understanding this complex psychological dynamic is essential for navigating the intricate landscape of parental alienation and implementing effective interventions to mitigate its lasting impact on the child.
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a) family violence and abuse (children can go on to be in abusive relationships meaning their partners are abusive)
b) trauma related disorders (eg. complex PTSD)
c) persistent complex bereavement (ongoing grief and losses)
d) intergenerational transmission of parental alienation
Citation: Haines, J., Matthewson, M., & Turnbull, M. (2020). Understanding and Managing Parental Alienation: A Guide to Assessment and Intervention. Routledge.
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Parental alienation can have long-lasting effects, extending for years or even a lifetime. It disrupts a child's chance at a normal, conflict-free childhood and deprives them of relationships with both parents. Additionally, it may hinder the child from forming connections with the extended family of the alienated parent. Recognising these consequences emphasizes the importance of early intervention and comprehensive support to mitigate the adverse impact on the child's well-being and family relationships.
Children subjected to parental alienation exhibit unwarranted disdain for the alienated parent and an entitled attitude towards the alienating parent. They are indoctrinated to perceive the alienating parent as entirely virtuous and the targeted parent as entirely flawed. Consequently, these children encounter disruptions in their social-emotional development due to the ramifications of parental alienation.
These alienated children grapple with a nuanced form of grief for a living parent, a loss manipulated through emotional tactics. This emotionally induced loss leads to psychological complexities, fostering difficulties associated with trauma and abuse. Parental alienation inflicts emotional distress on children, manifesting in enduring consequences such as social isolation, a fragile sense of self, heightened anger, depression and anxiety. Understanding these implications underscores the urgency of addressing parental alienation to safeguard the mental and emotional well-being of affected children.
The profound loss of a child is emotionally devastating. Alienated parents grapple with ambiguous loss*, mourning the living but emotionally distant presence of their child. This poignant loss is further exacerbated by the denigration and vilification endured as part of the alienation process. Experiencing despair, helplessness, frustration, anger and confusion, alienated parents navigate a complex emotional landscape.
Many of these dedicated mothers and fathers encounter significant financial and emotional burdens while seeking resolution within legal and mental health systems that may not fully comprehend parental alienation. Despite being embroiled in parental conflict, alienated parents strive to shield their children from its impact.
*Ambiguous Loss: Arising from traumatic loss, it is externally induced and lacks closure. Characterized by frozen grief and a sense of being stuck in limbo, this individual journey is defined by the circumstances (Boss, 1999, 2009). Understanding the multifaceted challenges faced by alienated parents is crucial for fostering empathy and driving informed interventions to alleviate their burdens.
Individuals, both children and parents, exposed to these abusive behaviours endure trauma reactions comparable to those seen in other forms of abuse. Psychological challenges arise, mirroring symptoms aligned with complex post-traumatic stress reactions. Manifestations include substance use problems, self-harm behaviours, eating disorders, depression, anxiety and even tendencies towards suicidality. Recognising the gravity of these consequences is paramount for fostering understanding and promoting targeted interventions to address the enduring impact of parental alienating behaviours on the mental health of affected individuals.
Science of Social Influence and Its Relevance to Parental Alienation Theory
What does this mean for Parental Alienation?
The mechanisms of Influence include:
Social Pressure, Visualization, Suggestive questioning, Repetition, Compliance, Patternicity & Confirmation Bias.
Reference: Stanley Clawar and Brynne Rivlin (2013) Children Held Hostage: Identifying Brainwashed Children, Presenting a Case, and Crafting Solutions. ABA Publishing.
EMMM considers that the minimum key areas of expertise required of a single expert include:
Note: It must be determined whether the interviewing, questioning and counselling techniques used with the child were so suggestive that they had the capacity to substantially alter the child's recollections of events and thus compromise the reliability of the child's personal knowledge.
Parental alienation cases are counterintuitive and can externally look very similar. Identifying and presenting a case to the family court is not a one size fits all.
Childhood experiences, both positive and negative, have a tremendous impact on future violence victimization and perpetration, and lifelong health and opportunity.
The CDC-Kaiser Permanente Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study is one of the largest investigations of childhood abuse and neglect.
Trauma Caused by Separation of Children from Parents
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders [DSM-5]
(CAPRD) Child Affected by Parental Relationship Distress
under "Other conditions that may be a focus of clinical attention."
International Classification of Diseases for Trauma Caused for Mortality and Morbidity Statistics [ICD-11]
(QE52.0) Caregiver-Child Relationship Problem
under "Problem associated with interpersonal interactions in childhood."
Reference: Stanley Clawar and Brynne Rivlin (2013) Children Held Hostage: Identifying Brainwashed Children, Presenting a Case, and Crafting Solutions. ABA Publishing.
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Parental Alienating Behaviours
are Child Abuse & Family Violence.
This serious form of abuse and family violence can no longer be ignored. Parental alienating behaviours must be acknowledged in Australia as it is in other parts of the world. We need legislation that not only acknowledges its existence but firmly and clearly legislates against it.