Help for Parents

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Emotional self-care means different things to different people. The key to emotional self-care is being in tune with yourself. Think about a time when you felt happy and healthy, and consider asking yourself the following questions:
 

What fun or leisure activities did you enjoy? Were there events or outings that you looked forward to?
Did you write down your thoughts in a journal or personal notebook?
Were meditation or relaxation activities a part of your regular schedule?
What inspirational words were you reading? Did you have a particular author or favourite website to go to for inspiration?

Who did you spend time with? Was there someone, or a group of people, that you felt safe and supported around?
Where did you spend your time? Was there a special place, maybe outdoors or at a friend’s house, where you felt comfortable and grounded?

Good physical health can support you through this time. Think about a time when you felt physically healthy, and consider asking yourself the following questions:

How were you sleeping? Did you have a sleep ritual or nap pattern that made you feel more rested?

What types of food were you eating? What meals made you feel healthy and strong?
 

What types of exercise did you enjoy? Were there any particular activities that made you feel more energized?
 

Did you perform certain routines? Were there activities you did to start the day off right or wind down at the end of the day?

Setting healthy boundaries involves taking care of yourself and knowing what you like, need, want, and don’t want.

It also involves:

• going inside of yourself to figure out what you feel, and then
• clearly and calmly communicating that with the other person
  

Be honest with yourself and with professionals. In high conflict separations, often both parties have contributed in some way to the current situation but on different scales. Accept responsibility for any past unhelpful behaviour.

Children are more likely to be drawn to someone who displays remorse and humility rather than someone who denies unhelpful choices, is arrogant or is defensive.

• Avoid emotion-laden communication with your child. Keep it light. Understand that your child is already under emotional pressure. Be patient and calm. Learn to appreciate the "crumbs" of communication from your child.
• Never talk bad about your child's other parent or family members. Children in loyalty conflict situations are very protective of the parent they have aligned to.
• Alienated children lose their ability to use critical thinking when they are under a lot of emotional pressure and being influenced by the alienating parent. It is important not to add to the situation by making them feel guilty, talking about your feelings or they could retract more.
• Alienated children will often block and unblock the targeted parent on social media out of curiosity. Make sure your social media stream is inviting to your child and perhaps leave an image of you together (public setting) for them to find you and see a precious reminder.

Here is a helpful link to an article "Take the Warshak Test Before Talking to Children About Your Ex" by Dr Richard A Warshak, author of Divorce Poison. Link HERE

Remember your behaviour, including your words spoken and written, which includes your texts, emails, Facebook and so on, can be used against you by the other parent and submitted as evidence in court. Always speak calmly, speak assertively and never lose your temper.

The ongoing conflict has a significant impact on children, parents and extended family. When a child sees or hears a parent harmed verbally, emotionally or physically, it is similar to children being hurt themselves.

We recommend the following book:

"Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You" by Amy JL. Baker and Paul R. Fine.

And the link below will take you to a beneficial article by Dr Amy JL Baker and Paul R. Fine.

"Beyond the High Road: Responding to 17 Parental Alienation Strategies without Compromising Your Morals or Harming Your Child."

The loss of a child is devastating.  Alienated parents experience complex grief for the loss of their child, who is still alive. This loss is compounded by being denigrated and vilified as part of the alienation process. Alienated parents experience despair, helplessness, frustration, anger and confusion. 

Many alienated parents experience significant financial and emotional costs associated with trying to find a resolution in a legal system and mental health services that do not understand parental alienation.

You must practice self-care every day. Be sure to have regular checkups with your local GP, including blood tests, to ensure everything is functioning normally. Stress can have a significant impact on the body.

You can get a referral under a mental health plan to a psychologist for additional support and tools to cope with your situation.