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Parents in Alienation Situations
Embrace resilience and optimism — Never Give Up!
Prioritise self-care as your lifeline amidst challenges. Just like a life vest on a sinking ship, self-care safeguards your emotional, psychological and physical well-being. Nurturing your mental health is pivotal for the journey ahead, fostering a healthy mindset to connect with your child. You've got this!
Communicating with your Child
Communicating with the Other Parent
Communicating with the Other Parent
Maintain emotionally balanced communication with your child, avoiding laden expressions. This means steering clear of expressions that are heavily laden with emotions, ensuring a more objective and constructive interaction for the well-being of both parties involved.
Recognise their emotional strain and exercise patience, remaining composed. Appreciate any communication "crumbs" they offer.
Refuse to disparage the other parent or family members; children in loyalty conflicts are protective of the aligned parent.
In loyalty conflicts, alienated children may struggle with critical thinking. Avoid inducing guilt or discussing your feelings, as this may exacerbate the situation.
On social media, create an inviting atmosphere for your child. Consider leaving a public image together as a precious reminder for them to discover, understanding that curiosity may lead to blocking and unblocking.
Article: Take the Warshak Test Before Talking to Children About Your Ex by Dr Richard A Warshak
Communicating with the Other Parent
Communicating with the Other Parent
Communicating with the Other Parent
Remember your behaviour, including your words spoken and written, which includes your texts, emails, Facebook and so on, can be used against you by the other parent and submitted as evidence in court. Always speak calmly, speak assertively and never lose your temper.
The ongoing conflict has a significant impact on children, parents and extended family. When a child sees or hears a parent harmed verbally, emotionally or physically, it is similar to children being hurt themselves.
Helpful Resources:
- Parenting Under Fire: How to Communicate with Your Hurt, Angry, Rejecting, Distant Kid
- BIFF for CoParent Communication: Your Guide to Difficult Texts, Emails, and Social Media Posts
- Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You
- Beyond the High Road: Responding to 17 Parental Alienation Strategies without Compromising Your Morals or Harming Your Child.
- Divorce Poison:How to Protect your Family from Badmouthing and Brainwashing.
Consequences for Alienated Parents
Communicating with the Other Parent
Consequences for Alienated Parents
The anguish of losing a child is profound. Alienated parents navigate intricate grief for a child still alive, compounded by denigration and vilification in the alienation process. Feelings of despair, helplessness, frustration, anger and confusion are common.
Navigating legal and mental health systems unfamiliar with parental alienation often incurs substantial financial and emotional costs for alienated parents.
Prioritise daily self-care. Regular check-ups, including blood tests, are essential for monitoring overall well-being as stress can significantly impact the body.
Seek additional support through a mental health plan, obtaining a referral to a psychologist for tools and assistance in coping with your situation.
PsychEngage: Connect with a Psychologist (Australia)
Discover and connect with psychologists effortlessly on PsychEngage. Build, refine and edit your shortlist at your own pace. When you're ready, submit your request to your preferred list, and a psychologist will reach out to schedule an appointment. Please note that PsychEngage is not an emergency service.
Emotional Self-Care
Establish Healthy Boundaries
Consequences for Alienated Parents
Navigating the challenges of parental alienation, emotional self-care becomes a critical aspect of maintaining well-being. Understanding that emotional self-care is subjective, the key lies in staying attuned to oneself. Reflect on moments of happiness and health and pose these questions:
- What fun or leisure activities did you enjoy? Were there events or outings that you looked forward to?
- Did you write down your thoughts in a journal or personal notebook?
- Were meditation or relaxation activities a part of your regular schedule?
- What inspirational words were you reading? Did you have a particular author or favourite website to go to for inspiration?
- Who did you spend time with? Was there someone, or a group of people, that you felt safe and supported around?
- Where did you spend your time? Was there a special place, maybe outdoors or at a friend’s house, where you felt comfortable and grounded?
Reflect on the people who bring comfort and support, whether individuals or groups. Delve into the environments where you feel most at ease and grounded, be it outdoors or at a friend's house.
Physical Self-Care
Establish Healthy Boundaries
Establish Healthy Boundaries
Facing the challenges of parental alienation, maintaining good physical health becomes a valuable support. Reflecting on times of physical well-being, consider the following questions:
- Explore your sleep patterns: Did you have a sleep ritual or nap routine that enhanced your restfulness?
- Examine your dietary choices: What types of food made you feel healthy and strong?
- Consider your exercise preferences: Were there specific activities that energised you?
- Reflect on daily routines: Did you have morning or evening activities that helped you start the day positively or wind down effectively?
Prioritising physical health, including sleep, nutrition, exercise and routines, can contribute significantly to resilience and coping during the challenging experience of parental alienation.
Establish Healthy Boundaries
Establish Healthy Boundaries
Establish Healthy Boundaries
Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries is crucial for your well-being. This process entails not only recognising and prioritising your own likes, needs, wants, and limits but also delving inward to understand your emotions. Subsequently, it involves the vital step of clearly and calmly communicating these feelings with the other involved parties.
Maintaining honesty with yourself and engaging openly with professionals is essential, particularly in the context of high-conflict separations. In such cases, it's common for both parties to have played a role in the current situation, albeit on different scales. Accepting responsibility for any past unhelpful behaviour is a pivotal aspect of personal growth and resolution.
Importantly, children caught in the crossfire are more likely to gravitate toward a parent who exhibits remorse and humility. This contrasts with a parent who denies their own unhelpful choices, displays arrogance or adopts a defensive stance. Demonstrating genuine accountability fosters a connection that can contribute positively to the overall well-being of both the alienated parent and the children involved.
Understanding your Child's Experience
Understanding your Child's Experience
Understanding your Child's Experience
Alienated children often exhibit unfounded disdain for the alienated parent, coupled with a sense of entitlement towards the alienating parent. They are indoctrinated to perceive the alienating parent as "all-wonderful" and the targeted parent as "all-bad." Consequently, these children undergo disrupted social-emotional development due to the effects of parental alienation.
Parental alienation inflicts emotional distress on children, who grapple with complex grief over the loss of a living parent. The manipulation-driven loss results in psychological challenges and trauma-related difficulties for alienated children.
The enduring impact of parental alienation on children encompasses social isolation, a fragile sense of self, and manifestations of anger, depression and anxiety. Acknowledging and addressing these consequences is crucial for their well-being.
Your time
Understanding your Child's Experience
Understanding your Child's Experience
Ask yourself these questions: Am I constructive with my time and energy today? Am I helping my situation with my actions? If my child was to look in on my life, would they be attracted to who I am?
Sometimes thoughts can carry you away or bring you down when you are grieving for your child or children. It is normal to grieve in these circumstances. Still, if you are not bouncing back, it is vital to get additional support through a support group or make an appointment to see a psychologist or counsellor.
When you feel down, try to push yourself to go for a walk, turn on some upbeat music, go and catch up with uplifting friends, or try a change of scenery.
The best thing to do is move into self-care mode. Don't feel guilty for taking time out for yourself. Your children need you to look after yourself, so you're equipped to handle the situation better.
Prioritise Sleep for Well-being
Understanding your Child's Experience
Prioritise Sleep for Well-being
Quality sleep is integral to our overall well-being, contributing to feelings of wellness, focus and happiness. Research suggests that adults should aim for 7-9 hours of sleep per night, as sleep deprivation can adversely impact mood, concentration, gastrointestinal function and cognitive abilities.
To cultivate a healthy sleep routine:
- Maintain a consistent bedtime and waking time every day.
- Refrain from engaging in social media activities, especially those that may provoke anger or distress, in the evening.
- Power down electronic screens (phones, TV, computer) at least 30 minutes before bedtime.
- Avoid consuming alcohol or caffeine before bedtime.
- Ensure your bedroom is dark and cool for optimal sleep conditions.
- Consider soft eye covers if you have a late-night and can sleep in, promoting a more restful sleep environment.
Children of Parents with Mental Illness (COPMI)
This series of videos were created for young people (from 10 years and above) who have a parent who experiences a mental illness.
- What is Mental Illness?
- What is a Personality Disorder?
- What is Depression?
- What is Psychosis?
- What is Anxiety?
- What is BiPolar?
- What are Eating Disorders?
- Getting Better
- Looking After You
Other Helpful Links
Australian Federal Police and Family Law
This material is produced by the AFP and is intended to provide general information in summary form on Family Law orders relating to children.
ComCourts Portal
The Commonwealth Courts Portal is web-based service for people to access information about their cases that are before the courts.
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Parental Alienating Behaviours
are Child Abuse & Family Violence.
This serious form of abuse and family violence can no longer be ignored. Parental alienating behaviours must be acknowledged in Australia as it is in other parts of the world. We need legislation that not only acknowledges its existence but firmly and clearly legislates against it.