What Is Intergenerational Trauma and Why Does It Matter?

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Intergenerational trauma refers to the emotional, psychological, and relational pain passed down from one generation to the next. It often begins with a traumatic experience, such as abuse, neglect, loss, or high-conflict family dynamics, and continues to affect how people parent, relate, and cope.

When trauma isn’t recognised or healed, it can shape the way family members think, feel, and behave. Children may absorb distorted beliefs about love, trust, conflict, or loyalty, and grow up repeating the very patterns that caused harm. Some may even gravitate toward relationships where they’re mistreated or where familiar patterns of rejection, control, or victimhood play out again.

In families where coercive control or alienation occurs, intergenerational trauma is often a key factor. A parent’s unresolved wounds can spill into their parenting, shaping how they see the other parent, how they speak to their child, and how safe the child feels to love freely. Recognising and addressing this trauma is essential to break the cycle, heal relational wounds, and protect future generations.