Free Space

By Amanda Sillars

Founder of EMMMFoundation


the lotus is a flower that grows in the mud; the deeper and thicker the mud, the more beautiful the lotus blooms

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Free Space is the space you create for your children where:

  • there is no emotional pressure 
  • they are not made to feel guilty 
  • they can connect with you in peace 
  • they can think and feel for themselves 
  • healthy boundaries are respected 
  • they are free to love both parents 
  • the focus if forward and not on the difficult past  

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Firstly, you need to understand that:

  • your children do love you, but they are not allowed to show it
  • it is not your children’s fault
  • your children are on a very difficult journey too
  • they are under emotional pressure and this is why they retract or disconnect completely
  • they are not equipped with tools to cope or how to use critical thinking in these type of situations
  • they struggle to put down healthy boundaries
  • the negative things your children may say are not necessarily an accurate reflection of their truly held feelings and thoughts
  • your children may have accelerated empathy levels and may go above and beyond to please their emotionally abusive parent, even if it means lying

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In the “Free Space” there is:

  

  • no emotional pressure from you
  • avoid setting the record straight about "what really" happened
  • no anger or bitterness around your child
  • no arguing with your child (you don’t want your time with your child to be full of turmoil)
  • don’t make your child feel guilty by talking about the wrongs they may have done
  • no berating or blaming the other parent for their wrongs in front of your children
  • if you feel you are struggling get emotional support from a professional

Social Media

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“Free Space” on Social Media

Out of curiosity, children who are alienated will often block and unblock the targeted parent on social media. They do this under the radar so they don't upset or anger the alienating parent.


  • make sure your digital footprints and social media feeds are inviting to your child and not a history of anger, sadness and bitterness
  • if your children were to look in on your life on social media, would they be attracted to how you present yourself online
  • remember your behaviour, including your words spoken and written, which includes your texts, emails, Facebook posts and so on, can be used against you by the other parent and submitted as evidence in court  

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When Communicating with an Alienated Child:

  

  • speak with love and kindness
  • always stay calm and never react
  • focus forward
  • don’t bombard them with communications even though you may be excited to get a break through
  • expect crumbs in communication, anything more is a bonus
  • no response is not always a bad thing
  • be the best version of you
  • avoid dark and heavy conversations
  • show your children that you are interested in them
  • ask them about school, activities or hobbies they may be involved in, friendships they have and so on.
  • Avoid talking about the situation.
  • remember actions speak louder than words
  • don’t make promises you cannot fulfill

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Remember:

It is essential to engage in self-care practices to help maintain your physical and emotional health. This is like putting on a life vest when you're on a sinking ship.

  

Eat healthy, practice mindfulness, exercise daily and get outdoors in the fresh air. 


Keep living your life and never give up!

The Pathway of Love and Kindness

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Gently sprinkle little love crumbs out there for your children to find and follow. Help guide them back into your life with love and kindness.

Shine Bright

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Be the best version of you by practicing self-care every day. Shine through all the cracks and guide them back into your world with love and kindness.

Hidden Love

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Alienated children do love the targeted parent, but they are usually not allowed to show it. They learn that they must keep it hidden from the alienating parent as they know how much it upsets or angers them. Never stop showing your children you love them.

Believe in yourself, all that you are.

Take care of you, because your children need you.


Amanda Sillars

Founder & CEO EMMMFoundation